from joy to work

I haven't been keeping up very well the last week or so on documenting my training journey...partially because its been a bit crazy around here and partially because all this running has become work.

I ran 8 miles on Tuesday and enjoyed myself for the most part until the last mile. There's something about knowing that you are almost done that does something to you psychologically. As I passed two different friends' houses, I considered stopping at both for water. Even though I wasn't really thirsty. I was proud I didn't stop but it made the last mile almost worse. My right knee suddenly started to hurt. My right ankle next. Then I had a cramp. Then my head began to pound. Where were all these "injuries" on the first 7 miles? Could our minds really be that connected to our bodies that because in that last mile I became mentally tired, physically I became tired too? Surely not. Or maybe...

Up until this last week I have loved every second of training for this mini. I loved waking up and putting my running gear on and starting up my iShuffle. I looked forward to sounds of Jason Mraz, Jay-Z, Chris Tomlin and Paramore. Up until this last week, it has been my joy to run...not work. So what was different?

I began to realize that everyday I was getting on the scale. Everyday, fretting over what food was going to put me over the calorie intake level. Everyday, analyzing my body in the mirror and wondering why everything wasn't flat yet...all of my training became about losing weight and looking good. It became totally about me. And that's why I hated it.

The first 6 weeks of my training was all about the people I do life with. Minino in the Hole who I thrived on spending time with. Yajaira in our neighborhood and our weekly coffee talks. Fernando across the street, such a good heart, just caught up in addiction. I'm training for this mini marathon to raise money in order to have the ability to continue to live here. To come in contact with new people seeking someone who will just listen and hear their story. To do whatever it is God will have me do on this island I have grown to love and cherish.

My training can't be about how many pounds I lose or if my shirts are fitting me better. It has to be about them. About the people who have molded me and shaped me into a way different person than who I used to be four years ago. Without them, I'd still be floundering.

I have to remember, that I Run For Love.

On Tuesday, this was my big run of 8 miles. I ran this route twice and then a little more to make it about 8.1 miles.